If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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