Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
