how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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