i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
