I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
