this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
