I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
