If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
