Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize