forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
