oh god the rape fog is back!
People in love make me want to vomit
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Randomize