I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Randomize
