This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
