Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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