There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Randomize
