Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
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