did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
