the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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