you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
