grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
