you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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