I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
