maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
