actually, I'm a sock model
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize