all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
