Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
