I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
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