I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Your dad touched me again.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
