I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
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