hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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