i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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