Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Did you pee in the oven last night??
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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