Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
