I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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