i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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