I think im going to throw up on grandma
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Randomize
