Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
