Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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