I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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