white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
