i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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