I wish I only lived at night.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
