Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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