he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
