I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize