sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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