My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
