I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
