Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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