Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
