$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Randomize
