just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
