I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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