Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
