So drunk its hurt
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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