Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
We were destined to go to rehab together
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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