if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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