There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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