me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
