Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
