it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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