I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize