First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
