so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
