we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
