Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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