member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
