Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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